ChickSpeak

It’s 1am. You’ve spent the past 4 hours balled up in his sweatshirt, alternating between dialing all but the last digit of his number and spooning New York Super Fudge Chunk into your mouth between hiccupy sobs. You’ve re-read his emails and replayed his saved voicemails like 18 bazillion times, to the point where you could re-enact them in your sleep, word for word. You thought you were like sooo meant to be together. How could you have been wrong?

I have two things to say to you:

1. We’ve all been there at one time or another, so I feel your pain. He probably wasn’t good enough for you anyway, and no, you couldn’t have done anything to “fix” things.

2. Tough love talking: Pull yourself together, get off of the couch and get moving. This is no time to mourn! Save the tears for weddings and funerals. Babe, you’ve got bigger things to focus on.

In speaking with countless girlfriends, sorority sisters, and ChickSpeak readers from all over the country, we’ve pulled together a quick list of collective suggestions, ChickSpeak’s Break-Up Boot Camp, if you will, for how you can quickly move up from the pits of a break-up and get back to your BEST self– Fast.

Top 5 Must-Do’s to Bounce Back from a Break-Up

1. Get Busy: Wishing things were different will get you nowhere. Take this time of newfound singledom to get busy cultivating yourself. Write down all of the things you love about yourself and the hobbies, new and existing, that you want to invest in for your own sense of happiness. Do you love to cook, but can’t recall the last time you made a gourmet meal? How about that mean game of soccer you used to play? You know you’ve always thought about getting into running…

Taking this time now to remind yourself of how awesome you are and how you can still grow as your unique self is vital for making sure that you don’t get stuck in rehashing old negative memories or things outside of your control.  So many women are givers. We are quick to pass on opportunities to hang out with our girlfriends or do things just for us in order to spend more time with a guy we’re really into. It’s normal, but if it’s not kept in balance, it can lead to feelings of deep dependence on a guy for our own schedules and ultimately self-worth. Remember who you are as — fill in your name here– the brilliant, the beautiful, and the busy.

2. Get Moving: So you think that extra-helping of “comfort” mac-n-cheese will sooth your achey-breaky heart? Sure, it might sort of… for like 20 minutes… but I’d like to challenge you to take the high road. Keep it in balance and avoid the temptation to over-indulge or use food and alcohol as a crutch. Just as this is the prime time to work on your best self in terms of your hobbies, also use this time to get moving physically.

Work on building a stronger and more energized body. Studies have shown a high connection between women who work out regularly and those who report being happier overall. Working up a sweat not only can help build your self-esteem as an athlete, but it can also increase the endorphins that make you feel more relaxed and up beat. Not to mention the mental toughness you’ll build with each rep you thought you couldn’t do before and every mile you had previously convinced yourself you couldn’t run. Combine your favorite workout routine with sunshine and fresh air, and say hello to a beautiful new day!

3. Get Out: I’m sure your pj’s are super-cute and probably quite comfy, but they’re simply not appropriate for a Friday night on the town. What you need now is to reach out to your friends and get out. Especially with that post-work-out glow you’re rockin’, now is the best time to reconnect and invest in your friendships.

Call up the girls and plan a night out. No one ever EVER said you need a boyfriend to take you to a nice dinner or the movies. Have a Girl’s Night and remind yourself that you not only have plenty of people who love you, but at the end of the day, it’s your friends who will be there for you to listen, advise, sympathize and celebrate having you back in the mix.

4. Get Organized: There’s no need to wait till spring to clean house of the old memories pertaining to your Ex. I’m not asking you to throw things out, or use your paper-shredder on anything (although I have opted to do both in past situations…so good for any anger you might be working through), but I am imploring you, beseeching you, to get it all out of your reach.

Take the t-shirts, photos, and notes… you name it… and put it all in a box in storage. If you can refrain from pulling it out to torture yourself, keep it in the back of your closet. If you have the self-restraint of a flea, take the box to a trusted friend’s for safekeeping in her closet. As for all of the electronic stuff: remove traces from your Facebook and MySpace pages, print out and store emails, then clean your email files out. Delete texts and voice messages. Trust that you can never loose what it really yours and let go of the baggage that could hold you back from living the life you want.

5. Get Clear: At this point, you have likely moved through several stages of emotions, perhaps denial, ambivalence, anger, then sadness… Someone once told me that you always want what you can’t have. It’s as basic as the economic law of supply and demand.

You will at some moment, no matter how strong you think you feel, or how far you have undoubtedly come, want him back. Even if this is just a fleeting thought, trust me- it will happen. Prepare for this in true Break-Up Boot Camp style by making a list of the characteristics of the type of guy you ultimately want in your life. Ask yourself if you are acting in ways that will promote finding this person. Do you want someone who’s active, but find yourself out of shape? What about being with a non-smoker? Do you sneak a cig socially sometimes?

Bottom line on this point: refuse to be a hypocrite. Start living the life you want now, not waiting for tomorrow or a time in the future when you think you’ll be less stressed or busy to make positive changes in your life. Get clear on your worth, how much you have to offer in the right relationship at the right time, and work to really love yourself.  You are not only a catch, you are a pear of great price and deserve SO much love!