ChickSpeak

The Girl’s Guide to Absolutely Everything

If only we had a resource, a go- to- guide that could give us life’s little answers to everyday nuances and inevitable ups and downs… Perhaps then we’d know how to get that raise, dress for any occasion, remove a pesky stain and still get a solid 8 hours of shut-eye. Sound impossible that any such manual could exist?

Haha! Think again my darlings of little faith.

Let’s all give a big “thank you” to Melissa Kirsch. After asking women in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s what they know now that they wish they knew earlier, Melissa wrote a phenomenal guidebook for girls. The title says it all: The Girls’ Guide to Absolutely Everything; it provides advice ranging from finances to relationships from the experts (the women who have learned from mistakes).

We recently interviewed Melissa and found out that she’s not only knowledgeable, but oh-so-gracious, too! Okay, Ms. Girl’s Guide, fill us in on….

1. What do YOU know now that you wish you had known when you were still in college? (One key idea, truth, etc…)
So, so much. But if I had to choose one thing, I’d say I’ve learned how important it is to surround yourself with people who “feature” you. I think we waste a ton of time with friends and relationships (romantic or otherwise) that don’t serve us well, and we don’t ask ourselves “Who supports me? Who believes in me? Who are the people around whom I like myself and feel the most confident?” We need support systems, and the people we cultivate relationships with now (I mean in our 20s/30s) are the ones that we’ll hopefully have for the rest of our lives.

I mean to say that a lot of women spend scads of time with boyfriends who don’t appreciate them, or trying to fix friendships that are beyond repair. Figure out who you love, who loves you, and bring those people close to you. This sounds simple, but when you’re changing so much, as we all do after college, it becomes harder to figure out whom we’ve become, to renegotiate our relationships with friends and family, to decide who is “good” for us, and whom we need to take some time apart from, or defriend. Find the people who love and support you, who want you to succeed, and keep them close. Lose the naysayers, the people who don’t have your best interest at heart.

2. When you first started doing work for the book, did anyone tell you that you were wasting your time or that it just wouldn’t fly? If so, how’d you respond?
I never heard that the book wouldn’t work. I went to hundreds of women and asked them to tell me what they know now, in their late 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond, that they wish they’d known earlier, and the response was consistently, “Where was the book that could have TOLD me it was okay to say “no” without feeling guilty, or told me what to do if I felt like was going to cry at work, or warned me about credit card debt, or helped me figure out what I want to do with my life? Why did I have to blunder along so cluelessly?” I did find out gradually how long the book was going to be, and how much work it was going to take. I heard a lot of, “Wow, I can’t imagine writing a book of that size” but people were generally supportive. I don’t think I could have written The Girl’s Guide to Absolutely Everything otherwise!

3. Following up from question #2, what was your biggest challenge in the process of going from conception of the idea to the successful book and booming sales? How did you tackle it?
The whole process, from writing the proposal to finding an agent to getting the book sold, was totally new to me, so I’d say it was all an exciting challenge. The hardest part was actually writing the book. I think it’s important the aspiring writers know this–many writers think, “Oh, if I just sell my idea, get a book deal, I’ll be happy, I’ll be doing what I want to do with my life!” The actual writing of the book–the day-to-day work of it, the self-discipline, the editing, the caprices of the publishing industry, the multiple unknowns–these are the biggest challenges. Writing isn’t a job where you can just show up and expect the work to get done by putting in the hours. This was the hardest thing for me: the days when I felt like I couldn’t write another line, or I couldn’t be funny or creative or I was just tired. The deadlines are still there. You have to rely on yourself steadily to produce good work, which is sometimes scary. Ultimately rewarding, but scary.

4. Who’s the most inspirational woman you know and in what ways has she earned this title?
I can’t pick just one. I have an astoundingly gracious, generous, funny group of female friends, each of whom is inspirational in her own way. But I’d say all of them know how to use humor in the face of despair really deftly, which is my favorite quality in anyone, male or female.

5. If you had a magic wand, what would you do with it right now?
If only it were that easy, I’d point the wand at the Middle East and say “fix it, fix it, fix it.” Do you have that wand? Because we really need it.

6. What is one piece of advice you can give to college women today who want to write a book but don’t know or where to start?
What are you interested in? What do you have to say that hasn’t been said before, or needs to be said in a new way? Make lists. Ask questions. Be persistent. Start a blog, so you’re writing every day. Start a writing group, so you can get feedback and are held accountable for deadlines.

For more information on Melissa and her fabulously essential guide book, check out her website here.