ChickSpeak

When I was a senior in high school I had a teacher who complimented me everyday when I arrived to school. He had morning hall duty and when my younger sister and I walked in with our book bags on our backs, sometimes late, sometimes on time, he would stop whatever he was doing and focus on me.

His name was Mr. Green and he was young and good looking. All the girls in our school had a crush on him. And for some reason every morning he would compliment me. He noticed my coat, my hair, my smile. Every day started with a sweet compliment. But I was 17, young, unworldly and vulnerable. And he was out of line and should have never started this flirtation.

Today, many years later, I look back on those days and my stomach turns. There was no reason for a teacher to be so familiar. It didn’t stop there. He eventually found out where my locker was and would leave pictures of himself inside it for me. He started calling me at home. He was interested in me. And at the time I was flattered.

Instead of telling my parents, my sisters or my friends I kept this little flirtation to myself. And deep down I was terrified. I knew that as much as I enjoyed this attention it was wrong and could lead to trouble. But for some reason I felt powerless and didn’t do anything about it. I went as far as meeting up with him for a date and found myself in a terrible situation in the backseat of his car where he tried to push me much further than I was ready for.

I knew that things had gotten way out of control but I never told anyone. He didn’t rape me but he twisted my arm for not touching him the way he wanted. I cried and he stopped. He drove me home and never spoke to me again.

Fortunately, school ended for the year, and I left for college soon after. And as soon as quickly as it started it ended. At the end of the summer I heard that Mr. Green was fired when he was caught dating another student.

The story that I am telling happens to girls all the time. There are men who find a young girl who is perhaps shy, quiet, lacking in confidence or just not one that would stand up to him and begin to compliment her and pay attention to her. There are many reasons why this is wrong. The man is usually in a place of power, perhaps a teacher or a boss and makes the girl feel special and important. But because there is a risk, she may not say anything. She may not feel that she has the right to speak up because she enjoys the attention and may think that she is falling for him. Like me, she is confused and instead of saying anything lets the story unfold.

Men are not supposed to date young girls. There are laws and many reasons for this. I don’t have to tell you that a young girl and all that she is going through and experiencing is no match for an older man. In my case Mr. Green was 15 years older than me. Aside from a physical attraction there was nothing that we had in common.
When I was a student, I felt like if I told my parents it would somehow be construed that I asked for this attention. Or that I would be in trouble for speaking to him, flirting back and for eventually agreeing to go out with him.

As flattering as it may seem at the time, a teacher, professor, boss or anyone who is that much older should not be interested in dating a girl who is significantly younger.

When I look back on those days I wish that someone would have took me aside and told me to speak up. I wish that someone would have told me the following.

1. No matter how nice the attention feels it is not right. Don’t get caught up in the moment of the danger and how attractive and special this man may make you feel. Boys your age are who you should be interested in. They are much less complicated.

2. Tell someone. I have never wanted for girlfriends. I have two sisters that have always been there for me. There was no reason why I had to keep this a secret. Perhaps if I did it would have given me more perspective and someone would have encouraged me to stop it before it got out of hand.

3. Don’t be afraid of your power. You are powerful. You do have a voice. No matter what this man threatens, you are the one he fears. Not the other way around. If you are close to your parents, sit them down and tell them. Tell them everything. Don’t feel that they will understand? Turn to an older sibling, your counselor, an aunt, mentor or someone who you know has good judgment. Together you will come up with a plan to make things better.

There will be men like this throughout your life. Men who are more concerned about themselves than they are of you. Now is the most special time in your life when you have the opportunity to experience love, attraction and sex in the most beautiful and pure sense. Don’t let someone so selfish ruin that for you. There are so many boys your age who are fun, interested and worth the time right now. You deserve it.