ChickSpeak

It’s never just a number. It’s a definition of who I am, what I mean to society and how I’m portrayed as a woman. It’s not just a number that changes depending on the day, time of the month, outfit or shoes. It’s what haunts and teases young girls and women across the nation every single day. Weight.

It’s the main focus of those who suffer from anorexia, bulimia and other eating disorders. This week is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week and several universities across the U.S. are celebrating the effort to erase the “thin is in” mentality.

For me, this subject hits close to home. As a college woman who once suffered from eating disorder like symptoms, and a friend to several who have, and continue to suffer from eating disorders –I applaud Eating Disorders Awareness Week and it’s cause.

According to The Secret Language of Eating Disorders published by Random House publishing, 8 million people in the U.S. suffer from eating disorders, and at least 1 percent of the female population suffers from an eating disorder.

During high school I was always concerned with my weight and how I looked, but I never took the plunge into the so-called deep end of full on eating disorder diagnosis until I was a freshman in college.

In fact –the college years are not uncommon to find the onset of eating disorders. According to healthyplace.com, a Web site devoted to encouraging healthy lifestyles –college is the most common time period for women to develop anorexia or bulimia.

My freshman year of college was difficult. It was my first time away from my family and friends, and I also ended a long-term relationship of three years within the first week. Furthermore, I was around thousands of beautiful, vibrant, and successful young women.

All of which –in my perception had control over their lives. They were on top of the university totem pole and working their way to the big time –and here I was, a heart-broken 17-year-old freshman that was ten pounds “overweight”, and struggling to manage classes and one extra-curricular.

In an effort to be competitive with the girls I idolized so immensely, I wanted to control my food and caloric intake. At first, it seemed just like dieting, and reminded me of years past when I was a pageant queen and would cut back the few weeks before a pageant in preparation.

Before long, I was dropping weight and barely eating anything. By the end of my freshman year, I dropped several dress sizes and went from a healthy body size to a fraction of where I once was. To me, I felt confident, totally in control, and accomplished.

For once in my life –I didn’t sport size D breasts and my tummy was completely flat. I could squeeze into a very small size if I tried, and I was getting compliments left and right.

However, I didn’t feel good. I thought about what I looked like every single day. You could see my rib bones. My face was paler than normal. I could barely tell if I had breasts. My skin was dry. I wasn’t radiating a healthy glow. I was thin, and if that was in –I sure didn’t feel the point of it.

Over the summer my friends and family encouraged me to take an actual look at myself and the choices I was making for my life. They were infuriated at what I was doing to myself, for no reason at all.

When looking in the mirror and watching what I consumed on my plate –I realized that I wasn’t being healthy, and I wasn’t treating my body the way I should. I respect the person I am and part of me is my physical appearance. My body image must be respected too.

Over that year, I succeeded in college, got over my crumpled relationship and gained a new sense of self. I realized that while I was happy with whom I had become in an academic career-aspect –but I wasn’t satisfied with what the mirror reflected.

Sure I was skinny –but it wasn’t healthy or happy. I didn’t satisfy what my body needed. To maintain my size “too small” frame I had to severely limit my food, and exercise more than I had been doing. I never picked drinks with calories and I analyzed every piece of food that entered my mouth.

The choice was easy for me by the end of the summer: I wasn’t going to do it anymore. I wanted more of an existence and personal definition than being skinny. I started eating what I wanted while still maintaining a healthy attitude towards food. I consumed normal amounts in healthy proportions, and I exercised once to three times a week.

It was difficult to let go of the false sense of security that controlling my intake gave me. I wondered if I would shoot up three sizes in a short amount of time and feel incredibly ugly, or like I had failed myself and all my “hard work” from the year past. It wasn’t easy to let go of something that became just as much a part of my life as school work and my newspaper job.

Now, I’m two pant sizes and a bra size up –and couldn’t be happier or feel more beautiful. I still feel in control of my life –but because of choices about what I’m involved in and how I manage my life- not because of what I eat.

While I tend to have a strong will and motivation, not to mention a “never give up” mentality –many women do not. In fact, lots of young women will die in the fight to be thin.

1 in 10 anorexics will die because they starve themselves, according to healthyplace.com.

I never quite met the criteria to be labeled an “anorexic” because I still consumed food and calories, and I didn’t exercise excessively, just regularly. However, it is not uncommon for college women to change their food intake measurement and lifestyles to try and control their weight.

According to healthyplace.com, one in three college-aged women will have “disordered eating” habits, like using diet pills or laxatives, not eating to lose weight, or binge eating.

While I understand college proposes more stress than college, and it’s easy to feel out of control –this time period is also the time to lay the foundation for the remainder of our lives.

At ChickSpeak, we aim to be a place for young women who want to inspire positive change, and we strive to support women who can help to influence those who follow in their footsteps in positive and smart ways.

Being an example of what a woman should represent –individuality and not conformity should be a priority for girls on the go. Trying to fit into “thin is in” and “I can’t be in control of my life unless I look a certain way” doesn’t stress being a unique, beautiful woman. It makes you less influential, less in control, and more deprived of the necessities of life.

The beauty of college and society after college is diversity. Each person creates a different perspective to offer to the world and those who become part of their lives. Why look just like another girl instead of being your own person?

Don’t fall into the illusion of being in control of your life by controlling what you eat –and look after your fellow lady friends to make sure they don’t either.

Your weight doesn’t define you. It is just a number. How you feel and how you view yourself as a person is more important than digits on the bathroom floor.

Believe in the power of not being a number –but being an example defying stereotypes and illusions.

Today, this week –and always- make yourself one in a million, not one of a million.