ChickSpeak

Love isn’t supposed to be like a light switch. It’s not something we can turn on when we feel like basking in it’s beautiful glory –and turn off when we are frustrated, busy or just not “feeling it.”

Some college women put themselves in a continuous, unhealthy relationship where one day you’re together with a guy, and the next day –you’re separated.

While it may be convenient and comforting to always have someone by your side and on call whenever you feel the need to be a couple –an on/off again relationship is the last thing a girl should pursue, or endure.

These relationships create a garden full of flowers for women to pick apart, “he loves me, he loves me not”, “I love him, I love him not” –and neither partner is left feeling satisfied, content or in a happy, prospering relationship.

An on/off relationship is characterized by perpetual breaking up, making up, and constantly recreating the same relationship. While this relationship is common, many aspects of it creates an unhealthy pattern for those involved.

Being in an on/off relationship not only keeps women settling for something they didn’t want to begin with –if you break up once, chances are, you’ll break up again. Additionally, this type of relationship prevents a woman from finding a companion that might actually remain a steady constant in their lives. Or maybe a constant “on relationship.”

On/off relationships also encourage a desperate mentality in women, or “fear of being alone” syndrome, as I call it. These types of women are so afraid of spending a few months, days or gasp even years…single.

Instead of discovering who they are without a male partner, they stick with a guy they never were meant to be with in the first place –just to ensure they have roses on Valentine’s day, and a new pair of earrings on their birthday.

Other women may rationalize staying in an on/off again relationship because they loved the person once, and believe they will change to be exactly what they want them to be –if they just take a “break.”

While I guarantee almost every woman will be involved in an on/off relationship at some point in their lives, there are a few questions to keep in mind when deciding if this pattern is worth creating:

Why Am I Going Back Out With Him?

Is it because you’re lonely and miss him? Do you just enjoy the idea of who he is, or who you want him to be? Do you see him as a human being, or a bookmark in your book of love –holding your place until you find the next best thing?

Successful, vibrant women don’t just settle for what they have or have had, they search for what fits their fancy -and what will compliment them the best in the long run. Settling never progresses your love life.

If this relationship is simply a resting ground between your next serious relationship and last one, challenge yourself to just let it go. While I guarantee it won’t be the easiest task to complete, you’ll thank yourself in the end.

Have I Changed? Has He?

If you’re stepping into a brand new relationship –that resembles your past one to a T –then you really don’t have a fresh relationship.

While I believe it’s very unlikely to produce something healthy from a relationship that ended –it is possible. However, for this rare occurrence to happen both parties have to be willing and open-minded to change.

Sure, you shouldn’t want to change someone completely to make them desirable to you –but relationships are about give and take. If the reason you broke up the first time, second time, or tenth time because he had a wondering eye that led him right into the arms of other women –I wouldn’t count on seeing an eye doctor to correct his “problems.”

Nonetheless, if you went your separate ways because you argued over who would take out the trash and walk the dog –those are disagreements that can be handled with positive, constant communication and give and take of both partners.

If either or neither of you are willing to budge from your stubborn habits –then don’t put yourself through another break-up or heartbreak.

Can I Take My Status Being Single?

The question of being single is something we all deal with on a daily basis. My grandmother asks me every time I cone back from break, Facebook constantly reminds me that my relationships status isn’t changing…and FASFA even begs the question.

While sometimes it may be lonely and you may yearn for someone –don’t let yourself just fall back into the arms of someone you don’t really want to be with.

What Do I Really Want?

Not what your mom wants. Not what your professor or best friend wants. Not what your club or organization wants. Not what anyone but you wants. What you want.

Make a list of everything you want to have in a partner and make it as detailed as possible. From tall, dark and handsome, to funny with bad jokes. Maybe even a lawyer or an architect, or a basketball player. You pick!

Let go of the past and look brightly, with hope, and anticipation of the wonderful people sure to come into your life.

You can’t be open to new possibilities if you hold yourself back, or allow someone else to – widen your spectrum to everyone, not just what you think you need.

Over and over forever –can never be happily ever after.