ChickSpeak

Commitment. The word can have so many different meanings. Under normal circumstances, committing to something is not difficult for men. We can commit ourselves to a professional sports team. I just spent the last few days following the New York Mets down to Baltimore and then back up to New York to their new ballpark in Queens. They lost all three games I attended. I actually haven’t seen the Mets win in person since 2006. But I still watched them tonight and will continue to cheer for them and support their every move until the day I die. 

We can commit to a certain brand or logo. While I was playing basketball in high school, I only wore Converse sneakers. It is a brand that pales in comparison to Nike, and it represents an old school trend I failed to bring back. But I loved being different and, at times, standing out for my shoes instead of my skills. I once wore yellow and purple sneaks with my school’s green uniform for an entire season. I looked like a Leprechaun wearing oversized clown shoes.

Com-mit-ment. We can even spell the treacherous word as it morphs from committing to commit to committed. The m’s and t’s seem to appear and disappear like fireflies on a warm summer night.

But commitment to a person. Commitment to a woman. This is when the word becomes difficult for males. All of a sudden, we forget what the word’s definition was in the first place. 

Commitment to a woman is different than to a team or specific brand. Committing to Converse or the New York Mets involves a one-way street. Sure, I can commit myself to the Mets. But will it really matter if I don’t watch two or three games in a row? Will their general manager call me and ask why I haven’t been wearing my Met shoelaces around town? Will Converse call and ask why I chose to wear sandals to the beach instead of their basketball shoes?

Commitment to another person is indeed the ultimate form of the word. In my opinion, a full commitment to a woman means living together, eating dinners together and planning a future together. That is why many men are so terrified, especially when they’re young. 

I’m 22 and really can’t see myself committing to anybody at this point in my life. I’m worried about myself, my career and having a good time while I’m in my early adulthood. 

If I were in a relationship right now, I would need space. I feel that some independence is key at any age and in any relationship, but especially when couples are very young. Men still enjoy going out to the local bar to watch the big game with friends. College reunions with old buddies at the casino or at a campground for the weekend are essential to fulfilling that much needed man time away from home. 

If your boyfriend wants to venture on these solo excursions, you shouldn’t stop him. Trust that he will behave himself. You are both still young and can enjoy things that are important to only you.

It is fine to have this distance at the outset of a relationship. The couple should still be trying to find out who they are as individuals and pursuing interests in separate areas. A full commitment that involves living together and planning a future as one unit shouldn’t happen until after both people have found their own, personal niches. 

On the other hand, I know many college friends who are moving in together with their girlfriends. I commend their decisions and the ability to find love at such an early age. I just believe myself to be far too young for this type of commitment. I feel like I have more things to experience and many more interesting people to meet.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that full commitment to a woman occurs at different times for different men. Some are ready very early on, but many may wait years until they settle down.

But if you’re in your 20s and you and your boyfriend of two or three years are still not living together, and he seems fidgety and nervous when you mention the word commitment or future: Be careful. 

These words are probably on his mind as well, but if he hears them too often, he may be scared off. When he has his own path set, he will be happy to let you know that he is ready.

But if he takes too long and jogs around town wearing 1999 Mike Piazza Met jerseys and purple and yellow Converse sneakers, he may never grow up. Sadly, you may have to move on.

Matthew Monagan is a recent graduate from Fordham University. He majored in communications and media studies and minored in psychology. He also wrote for Fordham’s official newspaper and an online publication called The Rose Hill magazine. Soon he will be fleeing to the Far East to teach English in South Korea. Don’t worry - he doesn’t plan on crossing the DMZ line to do any investigative reporting.