ChickSpeak

We all want the easy streets in life.Like the roads that go on for miles without a cloud in the sky, and have no bumps or delays in the way. We like to see wide open spaces for possibility and adventure, and to never foresee a sharp curve ahead or a car in front of us slowing us down.

However, most of the time, easy streets are far from what we get in life. Especially in terms of the relationships we have.

Carrie Bradshaw, Bridget Jones, Cosmopolitan and a hundreds of self-help relationship books have advised us about what we should and shouldn’t do, could of and didn’t do, and how to act and how not to act when we’re smitten with a man.

From first dates that seem to be sent from heaven and kisses at the doorstep to second dates that make us question our initial attraction and everything that follows -it’s easy for a chick to wonder what in the world she’s doing, and how she’s doing it.

Most of us rely on our girlfriends or the help of Google’s wondrous search engine, and of course, ChickSpeak’s relationship section, to guide us through the in’s & out’s of starting, being in or getting out of a relationship.

Amidst all these useful sources, there is one resource a chick should listen to over anything else -her gut and the signs she sees ahead. While we’ve all been instructed to look for red flags or positive imagery within a relationship, we haven’t all been trained to trust our instincts and those little tiny feelings in the pit of our stomach.

As you travel down the road of your (comfy and old or new) relationship, look out for these warnings to help you navigate by having faith in yourself and reading the signs ahead:

Speed Limit 35 MPH

In the classic book for women who seek to understand men (even though it’s near impossible), Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Mars, John Gray suggests that men are like rubber bands.

They go through stages where they shower you with affection, attention and romance, and then they back off for no apparent reason. According to Gray, men need space (like women don’t?) to recuperate, spend time alone and then they will start to miss their lady, and spring back to them -once again showing them how much they care.

While I think Gray’s interpretation is a little sexist (all people are like rubber bands), he does make a point. Everyone needs space sometimes. If you smother each other, you’ll never have the chance to long for one another’s company or voice.

If you’re starting to notice the little things that used to make you ga-ga for your man are starting to make the hair on the back of your neck stand up and vice versa -take a break.

Paint the town with your girlfriends, spend some quality time with Mr. Bubbles and a fresh glass of cheap sangria or throw yourself into a new project. Allowing a breather within your relationship to let everything slow down and take a rest will make you have that early-yearning like you had when you first met.

Sharp Curve Ahead

One of the most difficult parts of being in a relationship is learning how to maintain yourself and what you want, while still remembering to incorporate someone into your life. For all those independent chicks, it’s even more difficult to program someone into your mental blue print of what you have planned for your future.

However, when big decisions and changes start to creep into your individual lives, you get your first opportunity as a couple to make a decision for both yourselves and for the “we” you’ve created.

These changes, especially if they involve your career or geographic location, will transform the tone of your relationship -either for the good or for the bad. If you can’t deal together and decide what’s best, you can almost guarantee your relationship will see a lot of unexpected and sharp curves in the miles ahead.

It will be up to you to decide if the topsy-turvy and turbulent roads are too much for you to handle or not worth the hassle when you could be finding smooth sailing with someone new.

Proceed with Caution

While every chick has her own set of non-negotiable traits she’ll never settle for, there are some relationship red flags that everyone must watch out for. If any of these issues are rising in your relationship and causing major problems, proceed further only with extreme caution and consideration for what you truly want and deserve:

Communication

Any type of partnership requires a certain level of easy, free-flowing communication. Of course, you will always argue about something (even if it’s as simple as who watches what on television), but if you aren’t expressing how you feel or what you want without arguing, your basic means of communicating may be very different.

Try to have a discussion without initiating conversation or saying how you feel and see if he gets defensive. See if he listens or if you’re really listening to him. If you always find yourself making the effort to resolve arguments or make peace without any help on his end -you may want to find someone who communicates in a better fashion.

Drives

While sex is not the most important part of a relationship, physical attraction and the way you both display your affection are key parts of what keeps those butterflies fluttering and the passion pumping. If your guy wants to smother you with kisses and hugs, and you’d rather only hold hands in public -he may feel like you don’t care as much as you really do, and that issue could get old in a hot minute. Or in a worst case scenario, if your sex drives are not even -one of you could feel incredibly unattractive or not alluring and even bigger problems could arise.

In the same respect, drive also applies to where you want to go in life.

If one of you is dead-set on one location, while the other is wishy-washy and uncertain, the super focused partner might feel like the other is passionless. This notion is incredibly untrue, but balancing the beam of what’s ahead and what’s now may be quite the juggling act. Also, having a huge difference between your level of commitment (in whatever it may be) can cause issues where one person feels more involved than the other, and you will need to discuss these matters. However, be warned, disparity in drive is one of the most difficult to overcome -and you may just be reaching a dead end before you can snap your fingers.

Basic Principles

Just as Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo said in He’s Just Not That Into You, if a guy isn’t seeing a future with you -he may not think you’re it. Sure, if you’ve only been dating for a few months, don’t rush the process, but at some point, there needs to be a discussion of what’s ahead. If the two of you can’t agree on the possibility of a long-term commitment like marriage or discuss important matters like career aspirations or morality with children, you may want to find someone who is more on your page.

Bridge Ices Before Road

Boys II Men warned in Water Runs Dry that if you push and pull too much, too often, the love in your relationship can become drained and strained. It seems like once you start fighting, arguments become more and more common, and saying nit-picky comments to one another become the norm.

If you find you and your boyfriend keep finding reasons to disagree, can’t find common ground or your footing -it may be time to slow down and cross a difficult bridge. It may be the point where you ask yourself if this is just a difficult phase or if this is how your relationship really is. After the preliminary honeymoon stage, a relationship starts to take its course, and sometimes that changes the tenor of what’s destined for the union.

The bridge always gets slippery before the road ahead does, so if you start to slide, figure out if you’re crashing or if you’ll find traction and your attraction again.

Lindsay A. Tigar is the Editor-at-Large for ChickSpeak, contributes to Engagement 101 magazine and The Beauty Bean. While she’s no expert, she’s weaved her way through several relationships, and hopes the experience will give her bright blue skies and clear highways in the future.