ChickSpeak

Ahh…spring break has arrived! I am at the beach for a few days trying to tan; it’s still a little too chilly to wear a bikini without, say, a sweater or jeans or something. But it’s still bright and sunny, and I still get to go to the ocean everyday so I am one happy chick!However, the oh-so-holy laws of pregnancy are trying to make the beach difficult for me. For one thing, I’m not actually supposed to lay out in the sun because 1) your body temperature isn’t supposed to be above a certain degree and prolonged sun exposure tends to heighten that, and 2) too much sun will supposedly give you stretch marks. And to add injury to insult, I’m not even allowed to use any type of “gradual tanning” lotion because it hasn’t been studied enough to know if it proposes a risk.

My dreams of tanning were beginning to look grim.

So what to do? Well thankfully, there are special bathing suits for pregnant women. You can find them in the maternity section of any store. Here’s how to recognize them: they are usually shapeless, large and fairly unattractive. Appealing, no?

I have yet to find a cute pregnancy bathing suit anywhere, possibly because there’s no such thing. Baby Lover can second my opinion; she went shopping with me one day and we thoroughly enjoyed making fun of the maternity bathing suits, all of which were not only unattractive, but also much too huge for me, like all of the maternity clothes I’ve tried on. In my limited experience, a “small” in maternity language is really not turning out to be that small.

And I love being tan. Love it. I tan pretty easily and it always makes me feel sexier! Let’s face it…tan says “summer” and I love summer! So here’s what I’m doing…wearing my bikinis from past summers (because they still fit, so why not?), I’m using Jergens gradual tanning lotion everywhere but my stomach, and I am laying out in the nice, bright sun…just with extra sunscreen beforehand and lots of aloe afterwards -necessary or not.

Being at the beach has also taught me another thing: I will not be a woman who likes having her belly touched or cooed over or noticed in any cutesy, touchy feely ways. Granted, right now, unless you knew about my pregnancy, you wouldn’t be able to tell. But next time I go to the beach (because there is no way this pregnancy will keep the beach out of my summer), it will be fairly noticeable.

The last thing I want while I’m trying to relax and get some sun is someone coming up to me and saying, “Awwww! How cute! When are you due? Is it a boy or a girl? Is it kicking?”

Personal questions, annoying, high pitched squeals over my tummy - I’ll pass. And if anyone goes for The Tummy Touch without permission…let’s just say that my stomach is my property. If I want you to touch it, I will let you know. I don’t like being fawned over, a feeling that has increased exponentially since I became pregnant. Hopefully I won’t have to deal with too many “squealers.”

Other than my beach revelations, not much is new. My nudger is still nudging, sometimes a lot, sometimes not so much, though more so when I eat Mexican food.

I find out the sex in less than two weeks and I am very, very excited about that! It’ll be nice to have a pronoun other than “it” (which has always seemed so impersonal to me) and a name other than Queso.

My Medicaid application is still being processed (cross your fingers Chicks!) and I look pretty much the same as I always have. My nudger’s ears are supposed to begin working next week so I’m going to try to take advantage of that by teaching it to like some good music early on…but who knows if that will work. My mom said she listened to smooth jazz during her whole pregnancy with me and I can’t stand the stuff.

Lil’ Mama is 18 years old and unexpectedly pregnant. She is one shade tanner than she was a week ago (she thinks), she always brings Flavor Blasted Goldfish on a road trip and loves the movie Alice in Wonderland.