ChickSpeak

With the media swarming around political and celebrity couples every day, we seem to see divorce, abuse and cheating splashed on the pages of every gossip magazine on the stand.

We still know that it’s wrong, but to see it all over the place makes it seem as though everyone is doing it.  Well almost everyone anyhow.

According to the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, over 80 percent of marriages have at least one of the spouses cheating on the other. Aside from cheating, according to the American Psychological Association, one in three women will experience some form of abuse in at least one relationship.

The new question becomes, if such awful things are going on in the inner workings of a large percentage of marriages, why is everyone still together?

Elizabeth Edwards is a phenomenal example of a strong woman who was stuck in a bad marriage for a while before being able to get out into the world. She stayed with her husband, John Edwards, for three years after he cheated on her. 

Relationship expert, Jonathon Alpert explains that some women will just stay with their husbands after they are cheated on to gain “leverage” on their marriage. ”Long-standing issues can finally be addressed, and this is done on her terms,” Alpert explained. “Often the man will come back with his tail between his legs willing to do anything to restore the relationship. And some women look beyond the infidelity at the family and the impact leaving may have on it.”

Unfortunately, a lot of times women stay with their husbands out of fear. Fear that they will lose money, fear that they will lose their children, fear that they will be alone, fear of losing what their life once was.

Although there are many strong chicks out there who can take control of their bad marital situation, a lot of women are not so lucky. Fear of what divorce will bring, as well as low self esteem are two main reasons why women stay in abusive relationships or allow themselves to be cheated on time and time again.

Especially when the cheater or abuser is powerful, it can be exceptionally hard to get away from them even if you want to. Knowing that they might get the children if you file for divorce could be enough to keep you with someone you resent.

Beyond that comes fearing for you life or those of your loved ones which causes great terror in extreme cases of abusive relationships.  Fortunately, families are always there to help out and there are battered wives shelters scattered everywhere that can also help.

Low self-esteem can also play a key role in making the unhappy woman stay. Dr. Allan Schwartz, a therapist, discusses how many of his patients felt as though they were unloved as children and that low self-esteem carried over into their relationships.

Eventually, after being in an abusive relationship for long enough, the spouse with low self-esteem may begin to believe that they were a bad person and therefore deserved what they got. 

Of course, that’s not the case but bad relationships can throw someone down a scary slope of no return and the best thing is to get out as soon as possible.

Regardless of what we see in the media everyday, everyone has their own issues and celebrities and politicians are no more “screwed up” than the rest of us. Regardless of your social status you need to know when it’s time to work on your relationship and when things become unhealthy.

If you think you’re in an abusive relationship, don’t hesitate to get help from your family or the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Stay safe, powerful, and happy, chicks! 

Sarah Lorsch is a journalism and graphic design major at Moorpark Community College.  She loves to hang out with her friends, go to the beach and do arts and crafts.  She is lucky enough to be in a loving relationship and her love goes out to all of those that have had to deal with abuse.