ChickSpeak

I met her in pre-school. She was in the morning class and I was in the afternoon class so we’d see each other as she was leaving and I was entering. We wound up in the same elementary school with the same teacher for the first grade. I can still remember how we became friends -  a fight over who was the line leader.

Thinking I was in charge of leading the line, I stood at the front as we went on our bathroom break. She tapped me on my shoulder, “Um, I’m the line leader.”

“No, I’m the line leader,” I shot back, obviously angered that she would think such a thing.

“Okay.” She took her place as second in line. I should have known she was passive and easily-persuaded from this moment, but I was oblivious as many chicks are.

I then proceeded to turn around and ask her to be my friend. She accepted and that bond stuck all the way up until the last semester of senior year.

We’d spent years playing Barbies, eating mac and cheese, going shopping, and gossiping. But what I didn’t realize was how toxic that gossip actually was. As the years went on, I slowly began to realize how venomous her words were. When other people would take, she would talk because she felt she had to put her two-cents in.

I couldn’t call her out on it though; I was highly dependent on our friendship. I hung out with her all the time so I felt like my entire social life was resting on her shoulders.

And then things got worse.

She’d start talking about our friends behind their backs but then be super nice to them to their face, make up over exaggerated stories about guys going googlie-eyed over her, lie about her grades, make me feel worthless by making herself seem better, and spilled secrets I’d tell her in confidence to anyone who wanted to know - just to name a few things.

It was killing me. I couldn’t surround myself with someone who was bringing me and all of my friends down with her. So I confronted her but as I predicted, it led to even more negative things. She would talk about me behind my back, tell people lies about me, and then I was left with no one but myself.

I couldn’t handle it anymore so I started telling people about her. I told them how deceiving and condescending she was and how you couldn’t trust her as far as you could throw her. Okay, so I was stooping to her level, but I wasn’t about to sit around letting people I cared a lot about get walked all over by her.

So our friendship ended.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about what would have happened with us if she’d just been willing to change her ways. But every time I think of her, I get a sour taste in my mouth and pride myself on the fact that I was able to do what no one else could - stand up to her.

Losing friends isn’t easy but sometimes, it’s necessary. If you’re arguing with a friend over a guy, it’s not worth it. But if she’s constantly making you feel like you’re worth nothing, you’ve got a serious problem on your hands. This isn’t the only way you can know if your friend isn’t really your friend. According to The Daily Mind, there are many warning signs.

You need to carefully observe your friendships and weigh out the pros and cons. If your problems can be talked out and you’re both willing to accommodate one another, then take that route. Don’t just give your friend the cold shoulder because she’s wrong. If you proceed to end your friendship without trying, you’ll regret it. I tried so many times to be honest with my friend but I just got it shoved back in my face. And it was in those moments of honesty that she made me feel the worst. That’s how I knew I was doing the right thing.

Losing someone who’s been so close to you for so long is far from easy. There will be days when you cry because it hurts so bad to let go. That’s when you need to remind yourself of the hurt she caused you and reassure yourself that moving on is the best option. You’re young and you’ve got a lifetime ahead of you to make friends - friends that won’t make you feel rotten to make themselves feel better. There are so many people out there worth meeting and getting to know. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a better friend because you deserve to be happy and comfortable with your relationships.

Maybe making friends is hard for you. After all, you were friends with your ex-BFF for so long that you never had to make a new one. It’s likely that she was your crutch when making new friends so doing it alone is scary. Rest assured, for there are people all over that are looking for friends just as you are. It may take a while to get to the same level of comfort you used to have but you’ll get there eventually with your new friends. If you rush into things, they’ll feel like you’re desperate for friendship and not actually interested in them. Fresh relationships take time to prosper so be patient; it’ll be worth it in the end.

As I said, there will be times when it feels like someone’s putting rubbing alcohol on your sore and it’s then that you need to occupy your mind. Reinforce some positive energy and relax yourself by attending a yoga class. You can find classes near you here. Yoga is an exercise that allows you to tone and get yourself back into a state of Zen. You’ll leave the class feeling a lot better about yourself and by that time, hopefully your thoughts about the past have, well, passed.

If loss can be avoided, do everything in your power to take advantage of that. But if fixing things is out of the question and you truly feel like there’s no other option, be the strong chick that you are and do what’s right. Just remember that you’re not alone and you’re doing this to better yourself, and maybe even others.

Chelsea Tirrell is a freshman at Hofstra University. She hates losing friends but in this instance, she did what she thought was right. If her old friend was willing to change and asked her for forgiveness, she’d give her a chance but she just doesn’t see that coming.